Monday, December 22, 2008

PostHeaderIcon Dear Santa

Happy holidays, 4 months after I posted last. But, did you expect anything else based on my previous blog habits? I wanted to update you on all of the items Bluebell has destroyed since that last cute adorable little puppy pictures. The beast is now 71 pounds and 7 months old. She has eaten more than I can remember, with the latest being 5 outdoor seat cushions, 2 mini palm trees and 2 sets of outdoor Christmas lights while they were plugged in. I also had photos of the destruction, hey why not document it, maybe I can say a burglar did it and use it as proof for insurance. Again, I had photos but dear Rodney decided to take my camera to the Shrine Bowl and delete my photos of this and talking with Santa, he could take ones of football. Thanks..........

So in the holiday spirit, I have a request for Santa, because I so love everyone in the world and their thoughtful holiday actions.

Dear Santa,

I try to be a decent human being, really Santa I do, but I truly want you to rethink your gift idea for the wonderful person in the Belk parking lot last weekend. Santa, I tried to park way at the end of the aisles, yes, it was in the front, but it was the last aisle. No one was near me, I still had to walk a little bit. But Santa, when I got out of the store I didn't get the full surprise until I tried to get in my car and pull away. It didn't bother me that when I had returned to my car that there were now people parked all around me, nah.........It wasn't even the fact that if I had had my kids with me they would only have been able to get in one side of the car, nah.......... But holy reindeer, a big ole' P.O.'ed thanks to the moron who parked behind me and then took up a space and a half. A space and a half to where when I attempted to back up I couldn't because they have now ruined the physics of parking spaces where they are a tad off from the ones across from them so PEOPLE CAN BACK UP!!!!!! Santa I even made an idiot of myself and backed up as far as I could and got out of the car to see how much room I had, which was none. To make matters worse, this thoughtful driver had a handicap sign in their window.

Okay Santa, I know you're thinking I'm evil making a big deal out of this, especially since the person was handicapped, but hey Santa, I was about 2 minutes shy of walking back into Belk and asking them to page the little old lady in the walker who can't drive to please come move her car. I understand how some handicapped vehicles, especially vans, need to take up more than one space b/c other idiots then park right on top of them and they can't open their van doors for the lift to come down (I know this firsthand from my father-in-law who is in a wheelchair by the way). But Santa, not only did they take up more than 1 spot, but they also parked with a 1/3 of their car still out in the middle of the aisle. This was also not a car I would picture someone handicapped driving around. It was a huge brand new shiny Cadillac or Chrysller (sp?) or something like that.

Santa, I kept my cool in that car for 15 minutes waiting for someone besides me to come and leave so I could turn enough, or for the dear person in front of me to leave so I could pull forward. Finally the lady beside me came back and I could depart, but it ruined my shopping spirit and I only had time to grocery shop. I know Santa, petty little things in this big terrible world, but gee Santa, they really ticked me off.

Please give them a flat tire for Christmas, but not if the real handicapped person is in the car. I'm not that mean.

Oh yeah Santa, please ignore the 2 page letter from Bryce outlining the 20 Wii and DS games he wants for Christmas. Despite his assuring me that you don't pay anything for the toys, I on the other hand would have to shell out about $800 to buy all of his gaming needs.

One more thing, watch out for Bluebell, she might scratch up your sleigh by jumping on it like she did my car. Oh yes, you do see that she is wearing 2 shock collars that do not phase her in the least despite the fact they are both on the highest setting. It does shock me by the price the 2 shock collars cost. Bluebell, you are getting a nice new hunting shock collar for Christmas called "Stubborn Dog".


Wednesday, August 6, 2008

PostHeaderIcon Snake Wrangler

Another episode from the Elgin Wildlife Refuge....or at least that's what it seems like. Last week we had a wicked thunderstorm one evening, of course right at bedtime, so the boys ended up taking over my bed. Our next animal encounter was this howling Boxer scratching the hell out of the front door begging to get in away from the storm. Rodney wants to bring it INSIDE. Hello......we don't even let our dog in past the garage for more than 10 minutes, but sure, why not bring this scratching, whining mongrel in to tear up the house/bite/etc...? He said it had a collar. Anyway, it ended up running away at the next lightning flash.

That's pretty mellow compared to the newest creature....Mister Snake. This particular day was a nice and sunny afternoon, about 95 degrees and Rodney starts hollering about something near the woods. I think cooter?????? (See post below). This time it is a snake. I know Rodney is not fond of snakes and spiders for that matter. He claims it is huge, anaconda sized in length. I'm thinking a piddly little garden snake I used to run over with my bike as a kid.

Well, apparently the first thing Southerners do is try to shoot the snake. So out comes some type of pistol thing from next door. The second thing to do is light a giant bonfire and
smoke out/ignite the snake so it runs from its lair.

What is being torched is a bunch of brush and leftover wood at the edge of the woods. In the excitement of hunt, the gun is jammed up, doesn't load right and the bullet ROLLS BY THE FIRE! The kids are screaming from the deck to please let them help destroy the snake and Rodney is scrambling around trying to find a bullet before it blows up the woods or some one's head. Meanwhile brush fire continues to burn in the direction of the LAWN MOWER. So I get to have my first ride on the riding lawn mower as I start it and steer it away from the blaze.

Third step in killing snakes involves a large shovel. Since Rodney doesn't care for snakes, but he will kill it, I stand on the edge of the fuming pit and hurl javelin like sticks in the middle of the brush. This should stir up ole' snakey. Lo and behold he sprints out toward the only other shelter which is this little thrown together bridge we have. Needless to say Rodney tore it all apart in a matter of seconds and the shovel ends the life of poor snake. Well, sort of.....

Fourth step...drag snake out into the yard and everyone stare at it to see if it still moving due to it still being able to truly function or because of some "tic".

Finally...let kids "pet" the dead snake and hope it counts as extra credit for doing some summer science lessons. Of course this must be done shirtless.

***Please realize my kids aren't always barefoot and shirtless. In fact when we first moved in and had a hail storm with lightning and tornado warnings (at bedtime again of course), I got out of the closet and went upstairs to get clothes for the kids because I didn't want to be the Southern ones on TV. You know, the ones you see after a tornado tore apart the town and their kids are running around in their underwear in the background.

If you want to know when I update, I've included a link to put in your e-mail and it should notify you when I update.

Next week......Back to School- This should be good considering I went up to work today wearing my shirt inside out and with a big pink marker stain in the middle of it (without knowing of course)
Thursday, July 10, 2008

PostHeaderIcon Is That A Dead Body Or A Cooter?

First of all, thanks if you have managed to come back to our blog. Next, after reading the title of this entry you're probably wondering....what the ?????????

Let me back up a bit. We have finally moved into our new house. In my opinion I live in the middle of nowhere. This coming from me, who grew up in NJ where one town just runs into another town, and into another and another , etc.... When I brought Rodney up to NJ for one of his early visits, he went for a run. When he came back and explained where he ran, he was amazed when I told him he almost ran through 3 towns (small towns that is).

Anyway, now I worry a bit if he goes and decides to run for fear some nutcase in a beat up ole' pick-up truck may run him over and leave him for dead on the side of the road. Well, what else would run through my mind one rainy afternoon as I look out the window and see 2 parked cars. One blocking the end of my driveway and another a little farther back. There is a man and a woman in the road. They keep running around in circles and take turns diving into the ditch across the street.. It's woods. It's in the middle of nowhere. What a great place to dump a body and then truck on out of there. They walk back to the car blocking the driveway, mess around with the trunk, and shut it.

Rodney makes his way home from my in-laws next door. I tell him to go see what the deal is. And bring a bat.....or at least an umbrella in case he has to beat someone with it.... He goes out talks with the people and the trunk flies open. The man fumbles around and heaves this large object on the grass. The man and woman hop in their cars and hurriedly turn around and go back the way they came.Rodney walks over to the object, pokes it with his foot and comes back towards the house.

I'm as blind as a bat so I have no idea what is on the lawn. He comes back with a huge smile on his face and the story goes like this........

Me: "Should I call the cops?"

Rodney: "I asked them what they were doing. If they needed some kind of help or something. They said, Nah.., we were just trying to get this here cooter we saw in the road. We were gonna make some cooter stew. Ya ever have that? They make the best kind of eatin."

You're not alone if you think "cooter" is some type of obscenity. When I first heard the term, I thought so too. The first time I heard it, it came out f Rodney's grandmother's mouth as we passed a sign for a "Cooter Festival" on the way to Georgia. A "cooter" is a southern term for a turtle. What else did you think it was?

Me: "What did they throw on the ground?"

Rodney: " The turtle. The man said he forgot the recipe so he better throw it back out." this a third world country where the economy is THAT bad that we're down to eating turtles!!!!!

Me: "Where is it now?"

Rodney: "It waddled into the creek. Hey, go get the kids so they can see it."

So, here go my kids with umbrellas and barefeet to go find the turtle in the creek. By the time they got there it was gone.

A week ago we had our driveway concreted. Rodney went out to talk with some of the workers and what did they ask......"Hey, do you have any of those Alligator Cooters around? They make some good eatin."

Only in the South.

If you have a minute, leave me a comment. Do you like this site so far, should I have just kept the Caringbridge? Let me know!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

PostHeaderIcon New Kid on the Block

Let me introduce our clan. I am Tina, a 36 year old insane feeling mom to 2 boys, Vance (8) and Bryce (6). My husband Rodney leaves me to be a football coach's widow from late April through December. He's a good guy though! Finally is our new chewy-pooing 7 week old bull-mastif named Bluebell, which was named by an e-mail survey that we sent to our family and friends. (Sorry Rodney, you lose again!)
This blog is intended to carry over from Bryce's Caringbridge site, which you can still access for now. Bryce was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia at 27 months old, and knock on wood, throw salt over your shoulder, etc.... he has remained cancer free since going completely off his 3 1/2 year treatment which ended last June. I am originally from NJ and since college have transplanted myself in South Carolina where I met my better half. We have lived at the beach, then Columbia, SC and now are livin' a true Southern life in the little town of rural Elgin next to my in-laws (no I'm not insane, we get along just fine!). So for now until I get the hang of this blogging thing, check back soon. If you care, Bryce's site is
I will update it only 1 last time in the near future. I hope to continue with our family's wacko adventures that seem to happen on a continuous basis. First entry will be.... Is that a dead body or a "Cooter" ?

About Me

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Tina S.
I am a transplant Yankee mom who moved down to South Cakalacky and married a true Southern boy. A few years ago we have moved to what I consider the "boonies" and now I live in my own private wildlife preserve, or at least it feels like it! The puppy you see is now a full grown beast. Enjoy our tales of livin' in the good ole' South.
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Source of the Sagas

Source of the Sagas
Vance and Bryce